i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
