dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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