3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
