i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
