spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
