Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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