Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
