How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize