just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
