Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
