I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
