maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
