i may or may not be watching the land before time
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
