I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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