how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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