She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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