I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
