phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
