what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize