I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
