Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
