Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
