I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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