oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
