i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm way too hungover for life right now
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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