what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
