Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You have to summon your inner elephant
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
