I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
