Jerry, you need to find god
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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