How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just threw up on my dentist
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
