Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
