My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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