My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
