Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
