Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
