Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize