Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
