OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
