If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
