I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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