So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
