I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
