Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
