i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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