I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
