took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
