her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
