I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
