When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
