I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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