how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
