I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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