Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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