They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
