During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
