Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
