around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You may now shotgun with the bride
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
