No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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