Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
