It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
