We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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