It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
