she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize