sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
