I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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