I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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