I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
