why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
